OK, these revised instructions are for two of my favorite diarists, as well as for anyone else who may have had trouble with my somewhat convoluted instructions in the last entry (I admit, after rereading them, that I could have done a better job of writing them). I guess many local bar flies should be thankful that I'm not employed as a professional "Twister" announcer in their favorite bar. "Oh, what a tangled mass of people we weave, when first we practice..." :-) Speaking of which, my female partner and I got third place in one of those contests once. For someone who is not an exhibitionist (me, in other words), it was a very "exhibitionist-like" experience to be in those risqué positions in front of a huge cheering audience (at least I think they were cheering).
On the off chance that I didn't take DangerSpouse's * note * with a large enough grain of salt, and he really did do this experiment right, I apologize in advance for explaining it to him again. But since I was unable to determine what results he really got, I must assume the worst. Ha.
I must assure all readers, though, that this really does work. The results will definitely cause speculation and conversation, even if it is for only five minutes.
For those of you who have not read my January 2, entry, please read it before reading the rest of this one, even though I cannot tell you what possible good that will do. Well..., maybe you might enjoy reading everything in it except the actual instructions.
Since I really am not too good at writing certain types of instructions, I will make this revision simpler than it really needs to be. Please do not take these simplified instructions as a reflection of my opinion of your comprehension skills (I wouldn't be reading your diaries if I thought you were clueless people :-). Besides, Clarity25, you're ill! If a single blanket thread can cause your mind to do a minor somersault, then I can imagine what my convoluted instructions must have been like to read, especially if your room was spinning at the time!
Now, on with the...
"Less Wordy" Instructions
(By "Less wordy" I mean in quality, not in quantity.)
Step One
Have at the ready a single fruit or vegetable item (apple, orange, banana, watermelon, tomato, potato, etc. -- OK, not the watermelon :-).
Step Two
Have the person who is playing the part of the Guinea pig, stand with BOTH ARMS out to his (or her) side at shoulder level (yes, BOTH ARMS), so that he is forming a perfect letter "T" (or a small "t" if you wish to count the person's head in this graphic representation).
Step Three
The person who is experimenting on the Guinea pig will then put a single fruit or vegetable item in the Guinea pig's LEFT hand.
Step Four
The Guinea pig will take his LEFT hand, which is now holding that fruit or vegetable, and place it at the center of his chest, so that the fruit or vegetable is touching the hollow at the center of his chest. The Guinea pig's right arm must remain out to his side at shoulder level the whole time.
Step Five
The person conducting the experiment will then try to force the Guinea pig's EXTENDED RIGHT ARM downward, while the Guinea pig tries to resist. Continue applying pressure for two or three seconds. If the experimenter "wins," then more power to her. On the other hand, if the Guinea pig successfully resists your attempts to lower his arm, then more power to him. Remember, this isn't really a contest.
Step Six
The Guinea pig will hand the fruit or vegetable item back to the experimenter. The experimenter will then grab the alcoholic beverage and put it in the Guinea pig's LEFT hand. During this transfer, the Guinea pig is welcome to lower his extended right arm momentarily, if he wishes to do so.
Step Seven
The Guinea pig will then place his LEFT hand, which now contains the alcoholic beverage, at the center of his chest, exactly as he did with the fruit, so that it is touching the hollow at the center of his chest. He must once again extend his right arm out to his side at shoulder level.
Step Eight
The experimenter will once again try to force the Guinea pig's right arm down, using the same amount of pressure as he did the first time. The Guinea pig will, once again, try to resist. This is no joke. It really works. You can do your best to alter the results -- without cheating -- but you will not be able to do so.
