What Stopped Me?

There is an "introductory" announcement somewhere in this message. Please don't stop reading too soon.

Aside from girls, photography was my biggest passion during junior-high, high-school and early college. I was a photographer on the annual staff during my senior year in high school. I took many basketball pictures for myself, and I even worked for the college newspaper for one semester as a freshman.

So what stopped me from pursing a photography career? Probably my lack of drive had a little to do with it; but a particular person seems to have sealed the deal. When I was a freshman in college, I took two photography classes (the only two offered). One day we had a guest speaker whose father was the owner of a local photography studio. This speaker had gone into business with his father after getting out of college. This "kid" was not much older than I. Before continuing, I must admit that the two or three studios in this town, including the speaker's studio, produced some of the finest landscape and studio photographs I had seen up to that time. This speaker knew how good he was, too, and he emanated conceit every time he opened his mouth. He was also condescending when replying to our (or at least my) questions. I had met such people many times before in this area, so that was no big deal. The difficulty came when he warned us (or me in particular?) not to get into the business if we weren't prepared to invest a lot of money in a photography major and later in the business itself. The implications were (I cannot remember if he said it out loud or not) that we should be really, really good photographers, even at that early age, or it would be pointless to pursue such an expensive career any further. That was easy for him to say, I thought. His father had done all of the heavy investing in order to start the studio that he was now working in (his college education was probably paid for by his father also).

Naturally, as a freshmen, I was not wealthy. I couldn't afford an expensive college. Furthermore, I figured I was not half as good a photographer as our conceited guest speaker. So, without actually making a conscious decision, I just slowly lost the will to pursue a career as a photographer (although the desire was still there). By that time, I had many irons in the career fire, anyway, so it didn't bother me too much to toss one of them out. What was one less career goal?

I didn't stop taking pictures, though. In fact, I took vast amounts of them year after year. I took them at home, at college basketball games, out in nature, etc. I don't know why I never tried harder to work for a newspaper or magazine, even without a degree in photography. I guess life just kept leading me in meaningless directions (like a tumbleweed blowing in the wind).

Then Came Digital Photography
A year and half ago, I bought my first digital camera, a 4MP Nikon CoolPix 4300. If only such cameras had existed when I was a freshman in college. My career path would almost certainly have been decided. For that matter, if only iMovie had existed then too... Sigh...

When I bought my camera, I was living all alone on that isolated ranch in Wyoming; therefore, my picture-taking opportunities were somewhat limited. The situation has been no better here in western Nebraska. For that reason, I have taken hundreds of pictures of nature and quite a few of cats. Why cats? Because they make great subjects, and they never protest. Most importantly of all, they were handy.

You Are Invited...
So, without further ado, I hereby cordially invite you to visit MY NEW FLICKR ACCOUNT (the link will always be in my sidebar). I've been intending to set one up for months, but, until this week, I wasn't in the mood to select and resize so many images (the originals are five or six times as large as those that appear on Flickr; however I had storage limitations to consider, etc.).

Be sure to click on the sets named "Sunrise Fog" and "Sunset at Scotts Bluff Monument." Also be sure to click on the various "tag" links. I created a lot of alternate sets by using tags. After clicking on each thumbnail, be sure to scroll down to the "Additional Information" section and click on "See different sizes." Then click on the "largest" option.

You may even find an image (a single image) that contains several different shots of yours truly. :-P

Not counting my photo, I hope you enjoy the show.

Twenty-Eight and a Half Things

I apologize for not having written for such a long time; however, if I force myself to write when I am not in the mood to do so, then the final result is often a pitiful thing to read. Since I have not been in the mood to write lately, I decided not to write because I didn't want to write something pitiful. That's quite a truism, eh?

I did make several feeble attempts to write something prior this entry because I miss corresponding with all of you, but I quit every time almost as soon as I started. Even now, as I write this, I am still not really in the mood to put my thoughts on paper, but my desire to say "Hi," is much stronger than my desire not to write.

Therefore, as Dr. Nick Riviera (The Simpsons) always says in his famous accent, "Hi, everybody!" :-)

In order to avoid writing something that is a pitiful thing to read (or at least I can partially disguise it if it is pitiful), I am going to use the list format. In other words, I will simply make a list of random things (28 and a half things, to be exact) that have happened since you last heard from me. These things may or may not have anything to do with one another, and they may or may not be the sort of things that lists are even made of (probably not); nonetheless, it's an easy way out, so...

without further ado, and in totally non-chronological order (with the exception of No. 1):

1.) I went to southeastern South Dakota (450 miles east-northeast of here) on March 1, and returned to western Nebraska on March 13. I have been very restless since my return, because I don't like being here (understatement). That is the main reason that I have not been in the mood to write anything. Is there anyone else out there who has ever felt (or still feels) this way after returning from a long trip?

2.) It was extremely refreshing to get away from this place where I have lived in virtual isolation for almost two years. Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but it has certainly felt like isolation. Making the trip even better still was the fact that I was among relatives who treated me as if I was a cross between royalty and some long-lost best friend (yeah, I know; go figure :-). It had been quite a long time since I last visited their neck of the woods (so to speak), and they just went out of their way to make me feel at home. All told, I stayed with three different families (two cousins and an aunt and uncle) and visited briefly with others.

3.) It was also great simply to be back in my home state of South Dakota. It was my first real visit inside those borders in over four years. There is an aura that surrounds that state, at least in my very biased opinion, and I always feel very content whenever I am there, no matter what part of the state I am in and no matter what I am doing (lazing about or sweating profusely at some construction job).

4.) Now I am back in this place of exile again (western Nebraska), with its over abundance of not-so-sociable residents, and it has been tough trying to get back in the rut of things.

5.) All of my relatives tried to talk me into staying with them indefinitely (believe it or not) in order to visit, but also so that I could search for employment in that area. If I didn't have certain responsibilities here in Nebraska, as well as an aversion to living as a long-term guest in other people's homes, I might have considered accepting their invitations to stay on.

6.) On two different days during my trip, I helped Aunt "Rory" (not her real name) move her possessions from her farm to a newly constructed house in a town 35 miles away. Now that she is a widow, she will be auctioning her farm off in a couple of weeks. Note: I never address my relatives as "Aunt Emma," "Uncle Ralph" or "Cousin Bob." I am only doing that in this entry so that you can keep their identities straight.

7.) Oh yeah, and there is also one feeble excuse for my not having stayed indefinitely: I have some spoiled-rotten, overly devoted cats here in Nebraska who are completely lost if they are not following my every move. I didn't realize how badly I was spoiling them as they grew up (that is a mistake I will never make again). Anyway, I knew they were probably thinking their world had come to an end without their fearless leader to follow constantly.

8.) Cousin "Jill" (not her real name either) encouraged me to apply for work at a couple of different companies in that area of South Dakota. I did not take her advice, though. It is highly doubtful that they had any vacancies anyway; and the line of applicants waiting to fill the next vacancy probably stretches around the same block two or three times (these are not the reasons that I didn't apply; in fact, they didn't even occur to me at the time; I'm just saying that is probably the case).

9.) I took my new Epson Perfection 4180 scanner and my PowerBook laptop with me and scanned about 200 old family photographs during my visit. That soon became monotonous work, but my Aunt "Jean" was simply fascinated with the whole process. She frequently pulled a chair up beside mine to watch, even though I told her the actual scanning process is like watching paint dry. I added that the fun part is seeing the photos on the computer -- at 20 times their normal size and vividly clear -- once the scanning is completed. She was so fascinated with it that she started giving me piles of her favorite photographs to scan also.

10.) In spite of my "responsibilities" here in Nebraska, I might actually have considered applying for work at the places my cousin suggested; however, they only pay average to-less-than average hourly wages. Such wages used to be perfectly acceptable to me in more carefree times, but it just isn't practical to indulge in that sort of "luxury" anymore. Besides, I'm not really in the mood to move that far away just to take a relatively low-paying job and perform a task that probably reeks of tedium and meaninglessness. Been there, done that (figuratively speaking), and I don't want to be there and do that anymore -- unless I have no other choice. If it eventually turns out that I have no other choice, and if my responsibilities here have finally been taken care of permanently, I might consider "being there and doing that" again (in spite of my preferences).

11.) Cousin Jill half seriously suggested (several times) that I buy her poorly run hometown newspaper. For some reason, it didn't seem to matter to her that it isn't for sale.

12.) I spent several days staying at the farm home of Aunt "Jean" and Uncle "Albert" (not their real names, of course). They are both retired now. Albert endured some serious medical problems a few years ago and almost died. Since then, he has had an insatiable desire to enjoy life to the fullest. Prior to that time, he was a workaholic who had almost never taken any time to go on vacations or do other enjoyable things with his wife and children (when the children were still at home, that is). Now he and Jean (Jean is my dad's sister) travel frequently and enjoy one another's company more than any man and woman I've known in many years. I enjoyed staying with them for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that Albert has a very dry sense of humor. In fact, it is so dry that I sometimes wonder if he realizes that he is being funny on some occasions. He also has a natural ability to make a person feel completely at ease around him. Not many people can do that.

13.) Temperatures hovered around 70 degrees on a couple of different days while I was there. Another day the wind gusted to almost 60 mph. Overall, though, it was dry (not a drop of snow) and luke cool.

14.) Cousin Jill owns a "spare" house in the country that she wants me to rent from her. She wouldn't quit trying to talk me into it. It is an unusual sight to behold. It is a 1950s-style house that was built in the 1980s by a man whose level of eccentricity was just one notch below the level at which they commit you to an asylum. At least that's how the story sounded to me, and I tend to believe it after seeing that house. It is as if he built each room separately and the two different stories separately, using completely different blueprints for each room and each floor. Then, whether they fit together or not, he bumped them up against one another, in a long, narrow trailer-house fashion, threw the second story on top, put siding on all of it and called it a house. It is built into the side of a hill, so that only the top level shows from the north side (the side facing the road). In spite of all of that, it is still a somewhat intriguing place. The view of the hilly yard and open fields through the three large picture windows is pretty impressive (believe it or not, all three of the windows are lined up on the same wall in the living room). Jill put a lot of money into remodeling it, so it looks much better than it did when the man sold it to her (or so I am told).

15.) Gas prices were as low as $1.89 per gallon during my trip and as high as $2.09, the latter price being in effect on the day I returned to Nebraska (naturally). I believe $2.09 is the most I have ever paid for a gallon of gas.

16.) Jill's "spare" house, the one that she wants to rent to me, is located A.) one-quarter of a mile from her mother, Rory's, farm (she is the one who is selling out and moving to town), B.) about three or four miles from the farm of Uncle Albert and Aunt Jean, C.) about fifteen miles from Jill's house, D.) about seven miles from another cousin's house (a daughter of Albert and Jean), and E.) and about fifty miles from Sioux Falls, SD (population 125,000 and growing out of control).

17.) After dreaming about it for years, I was also going to visit my own home town while I was in South Dakota (it is located about three hours west and slightly north of my relatives' residences), but I couldn't make myself do it. More on that at some other time, maybe.

18.) Cousin "Jill" bought an iMac G5 flat-panel computer. It was delivered to her door the same day that I arrived in South Dakota (March 1). Last December she asked for my advice in buying a new computer. Naturally, I told her to get an iMac. She insisted that she needed me to help her set it up when it arrived. I told her that she could do it herself in less than five minutes. She didn't believe me. I decided to use her request as the incentive I needed to make the long trip to her home. After my arrival, I made her set it up while I watched. She plugged in the mouse, keyboard, power and internet. That was it. She was done in less than five minutes and couldn't believe I had not been exaggerating (the entire computer is contained inside the flat screen). The high-speed internet worked without any setup required. She has been completely amazed that all was as great as I had promised.

19.) I ate in an iHop for the first time ever. I had the stuffed crepes, and they were very good.

20.) Albert and I drove around his farm one cold, windy day, so I could take pictures of his property from different angles with my digital camera. He said he had always wanted to do something like that, but had never taken the time until I volunteered to do it with him. We drove through fields of tall stubble using his new 2005 Doge Caravan. I cringed as I listened to the stubble scraping the vehicle. I kept telling him he shouldn't be scratching the paint just to drive me around, but he was convinced that there would be no scratches. I was relieved to discover that he was right.

21.) Cousin "Timothy" and his wife "Clarissa" live in Sioux Falls. He is a brother to Jill. There are three more sisters in the family, too, but I saw only one of them for a few minutes. Of the five, I have always been closest to Tim and Jill. At one time, Tim was the manager of one of the three top restaurant/lounges in Sioux Falls, and I was one of his bartenders. I stayed with Tim and Clarissa from Friday night to Monday morning, and returned for one more overnight visit a day or two later. Once again, I enjoyed myself immensely. On Sunday afternoon it was so nice that Tim and I sat on his back patio drinking beer. Not bad for eastern South Dakota in the winter.

22.). One evening, Cousin Jill, Aunt Rory, Aunt Jean and I were watching a slide show of old family photographs on Jill's new iMac (photographs that I had scanned in recent years and brought with me). At one point (we must have been looking at photographs of my dad while he was in the army -- stationed at Heidelberg, Germany), Aunt Rory said, and I am paraphrasing, "Isn't it just terrible that all of our boys are in Iraq dying for no good reason?" With that one comment, she proved to me that there are rural South Dakotans who are not blind followers of the Bush doctrine. It also goes to show that independent thinking runs in my family. :-)

23.) Amazingly, Cousin Tim, like his sister Jill, bought an iMac G5 while I was there (at a local Macintosh store). He did this so that I could help him choose the right one, as well as to get him started in the ways of the Mac once it was set up. I was totally amazed at this decision to buy one because he used to make fun of me for using Macs. I guess things are finally starting to look up, thanks in large part to the iPod (although that is not why Tim bought his new iMac).

24.) One evening, Uncle Albert and Aunt Jean were playing dominoes on one side of the dining-room table, while I was scanning photographs on the other side the same table. The evening news was on the TV in the background. President Gomer started to speak. I was suddenly in a dilemma. I refused to break my record of not listening to the sound of his voice; however, didn't have the remote control, and I couldn't very well plug my ears like a child in front of Albert and Jean. So I threw courtesy to the wind and bravely grabbed the remote control from its spot beside Albert. As I was reaching across the table, I smiled and said to both of them, "I hope you will forgive me for being so presumptuous [or something like that], but I simply have to mute your TV while Bush is speaking. I hope you won't be too offended." Jean replied, "We're not too fond of him either." That was the only political comment they made during my entire visit, and it was music to my ears.

25.) Uncle Albert is definitely not an elitist snob when it comes to wine. He buys cheap gallon jugs of the stuff, although he drinks only one or two half glasses a day, due to his health. As for me, his "honored" guest, he kept filling my glass with the stuff over and over, as if I was a wino. And I drank it as if I was a wino. :-)

26.) After I had helped to empty Uncle Albert's supply of wine over a period of days, we stopped at a liquor store in town (while helping Aunt Rory move). It was during our time in that store that he told me one of his "real" reasons for buying that particularly cheap brand of wine: "It has 20 percent alcohol." I laughed my head off. Finally, I had found someone who uses the same criteria when buying wine that I use. :-) 

27.) After buying the wine, Albert, Jean and I stopped at the local Wal-Mart to buy a couple of items (yes, I despise Wal-Mart). As we entered the store, I spied two young Mennonite or Hutterite women sitting in the restaurant section, complete with the old-fashioned clothing and white cloth caps on their heads (they were probably Hutterites). There are quite a few of them in eastern South Dakota. For those of you who do not know, Mennonites and Hutterites are somewhat like the Amish (in fact, they are all part of the same sect). Like the Amish, some of them still wear the old-fashioned clothing, but, unlike the Amish, they all have electricity in their homes, drive modern vehicles and use motorized tractors and other farming equipment. Some, like the two young women I saw, still live in separate old-fashioned communities, but most others live in regular communities among the population at large.

One of these young women was particularly pretty, and I was reluctant to walk on past without at least admiring her for a few seconds (discreetly, of course). Luckily, Albert helped me by going to the restroom, which is located in the restaurant. After I had walked on with Jean for a short distance, I returned to wait for Albert. Once again, I inspected the pretty one. Both of them were sitting with their backs to the main part of the store, but they had their heads turned and were watching the people passing by. The pretty one, who was in the best position to see me, started looking at me, seemingly as much as I was looking at her. I knew nothing could EVER happen between us though, even if she was, by the greatest stretch of the imagination, interested in me. I was just happy to be noticed by a woman who was different (more innocent?) from the women who inhabit the world I live in (boy what a pair we would have made, anyway! the modern radical spiritualist and the fanatically devout 19th-century woman :-).

I came up with two theories for what she and her friend might be thinking as they watched all the activity. 1.) They were simply aghast at the evil, decadent, worldly people passing so close to them, and they were praying that none of it would rub off on them. 2.) They were sitting there desperately hoping that some brave man would come along and rescue them from their bland, empty, overly strict lives. Was that pretty one watching me with either of those thoughts in mind? I preferred to imagine the second one. Most likely, though, they were just wishing they could be like everyone else for a while, instead of being like two kids sitting in a candy store and forbidden from ever eating any of it. When I pointed the pretty one out to my uncle, he was just as intrigued with her as I was.

28.) Aunt Jean let me use an ergonomic pillow while I stayed at her place (I cannot think of the actual name right now). I awoke with a very well rested head and neck. She gave me the pillow when I returned home.

28 1/2.) As I was brokering a deal for world peace, I...

P.S. - Eclectic music lovers, I highly recommend a great oldie that I heard for the first time three days ago. Its title: "Topsy II" by Cozy Cole (1958). I'm not too fond of most jazz music, although there are some notable exceptions, and "Topsy II" is definitely one of them. It does not fit the usual jazz stereotype. There is a lot of good old-fashioned music in it. Just wait until that long, outstanding drum solo begins about one-third of the way into the song (I absolutely love drums!).

Sincerely yours, You Name It