This online revelation stuff isn't as easy to do as I had hoped. I've spent two days now wondering where the line between "too personal" and "too generic" is located. Without having a sense of that in mind, my entry drafts (the partially finished ones that you haven't seen) have lacked any real direction or meaning.
I also don't "have a life" right now (and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will), so it isn't easy coming up with new material every day.
Furthermore, I don't know what the readers (those few of you who have stumbled across my site at this early date) consider to be too whiny or not whiny enough.
I also don't want to portray my dreams and desires as high-brow artsy themes that are reminiscent of an overly melodramatic Broadway play; nor do I want to come off sounding like a burned-out clinical psychologist who is coldly describing his ten-thousandth patient after 35 years of practice. I tend to write both ways sometimes, if I try too hard.
I love writing about politics and philosophy, and I am comfortable sharing those thoughts with the world; but I also love writing about love and loss and loneliness, about soul mates finding one another and then losing one another (due to circumstances beyond their control); however, I have only shared a small sampling of these latter writings with just a few of my very closest friends over the years.
I would like to write about my lifelong battles with that sentient sadist known as Fate, and how It has played with me the way a practical jokester (a big bully) plays with his favorite victim; but none of you would believe that anyone could have been put in the wrong place at the wrong time as many times as I have; nor how so many incredibly insignificant events have led to major, unpleasant life changes; nor would you believe how many times Fate has put me in the right place at almost exactly the right time, but always just one second too late or too soon. It has almost become humorous, even for me (and I've been thinking that is how I should write about it).
I have also always been far more comfortable corresponding with specific people (myself included) than with a general audience. My words, and, by association, I myself, come across as much more real that way. Writing to the whole world about personal thoughts and feelings seems a lot like standing on a stage and baring my soul to a huge, anonymous audience (and I'm definitely no exhibitionist). It's very scary wondering what sort of reception I will receive. For me, it is much easier writing about public things in a public setting.
Finally, when you combine all this with my need to revise everything I write at least 27 times... Well, I'm sure you get the point.
In spite of everything I have just written, I am going to give it my best shot anyway. I may have to continue writing in a cold, clinical and generic (albeit occasionally hilarious :-) fashion for a while, until I am comfortable revealing myself to the whole world.
In the meantime, I thank you in advance for being patient with me. Have a great day (but, if you aren't, then you could at least pretend ;-).
Sincerely, MW
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